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A euphemistic portrayal of dental visits.

I am scheduled for a root canal tomorrow.  If you ever look up “root canal” you’ll find that it’s called “root canal therapy,” which sounds like I’m headed for a dental spa where I will be relaxed and pampered.

Root canal therapy, web definition: Endodontic therapy or root canal therapy is a sequence of treatment for the infected pulp of a tooth which results in the elimination of infection and the protection of the decontaminated tooth from future microbial invasion.

My definition:

The infected tooth is gutted.  If all goes well, it’s scraped, it’s cleaned, shaped, filled and sealed.

All this is done by faith in local anesthesia – that my tissues and nerves will be sufficiently knocked out, so I don’t feel the sharp dental tools on my sensitive nerve endings.

Additional concerns:

  • I will be gripped by pain so sudden and fierce that I will scream aloud as my white knuckles grip the chair.
  • I will involuntarily flinch, twitch or jerk, which will cause my dentist to scrape his implement across my face, resulting in permanent scarring.

That said, it will probably go just fine.

All the same, I am taking one last long look in the mirror tonight and labeling all my pantry goods so my family will know “what’s what” after I’m incapacitated.

See you soon…I hope.

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